STAGE 3: Risk Taking Increases, Family Life Disrupted

STAGE 3: Risk Taking Increases, Family Life Disrupted

This is a painful place to be in. There's no getting away from the anguish of feeling like you're a helpless witness to watching your child's life spiral seemingly out of control. It's sometimes frightening and overwhelming as a parent to see our child stand in complete opposition to our boundaries, values and desire to protect them.

For most of the teens I've spoken with- their journey into experimentation or risk taking behaviour was never intended to hurt anyone. With a brain that's wired to take risks in preparation for the challenges of adulthood- a teen often feels they simply want to "be themselves". They're looking for the self in question- as the single greatest developmental task which will occupy most of the rest of life. No one goes on this quest without making mistakes- and every single one of us will need forgiveness and someone to help pick up the pieces when we stumble.

Peers appear to have replaced the once all important place that a parent's love and approval once held, and so many parents could be mistakenly tempted to believe that their young person "just doesn't care about my feelings any more". A wounded parent who feels rejected and betrayed can struggle with anger, grief, despair and even numbness... Fathers often say to me "I'm not sure I feel anything" at this stage.

You don't help your teen by jumping into the raging river of emotions, drama, and the turbulent waters of confusion and anxiety. There are ways to support yourself and to allow others to support your journey so that you become the anchor first in your own life and then in your child's. While chances are that in time "this too shall pass" IF there's a reason to fear for your child's safety and or you or your family feel unsafe- get help immediately. Calling the police is hard- but it can be the only way to put a buffer in place when domestic violence or substance abuse is out of control.

Check out the articles below - and or look at our resource page for ideas of where to look for help. There's no shame in needing support as a parent- the bigger tragedy is to suffer in silence.

Why Are Teen Brains Designed for Risk-taking?

Risk-taking behaviour in adolescents