Episode Thirteen: Understanding School Can’t

Tiffany and Madeleine

Podcast Recap:
Madeleine chats with Tiffany Westphal from School Can’t Australia about what happens when a young person finds it too hard to attend school. Tiffany shares her lived experience as a parent, the common challenges families face, and how peer support can make all the difference.

Tiffany Westphal, is a founding board member of School Can’t Australia, has volunteered in the group for 5+ years. As a socialworker, Tiffany supports neuro-divergent students experiencing school can’t and their families. She has supported a neurodivergent daughter for 10 years through on and off school can’t.

Podcast Transcript:

Introduction and Background

Madeleine: Hi, Tiffany, welcome. So good to have you here. Could you please share a little about yourself, and what brought you to your role at School Can’t Australia?

Tiffany: I’m a parent of a young person who’s had on-and-off school attendance difficulties — or “school can’t” — for about 10 or 11 years now, since she was in Grade 1. She’s 17 now. Along that journey, I learned about School Can’t Australia and became involved. I now help lead the organisation and the peer support we provide to parents and carers. I also speak at conferences about this topic and share School Can’t Australia’s lived experience knowledge.

Madeleine: I know a lot of members of the EPIC community are also part of the School Can’t Australia community. Can you tell us a bit more about the organisation?

Tiffany: School Can’t Australia began around 2014. It was started by a parent who wanted to connect with others going through similar experiences. Back then, it felt a lot less safe to talk about this — parents often felt judged. She wanted to create a safe space, and that’s what she did. The group grew rapidly, and today we receive over 20 applications a day from distressed families looking for support.

Many of those families are supporting young people with disabilities — most commonly autism, ADHD, or learning difficulties — which make school quite stressful.

Madeleine: Yes, we see that in our EPIC community too — a common theme of neurodiversity, often undiagnosed until challenges arise. The School Refusal Inquiry Report also found that around 80% of families were supporting a young person with a neurodiverse condition.

Common Experiences of Families

Madeleine: Many parents listening might feel alone or judged when their child struggles to attend school. What are some common experiences families face when “school can’t” becomes part of their life?

Tiffany: Parents often feel blamed or judged. There’s still this idea that a “good child” is a compliant one who follows instructions — so when your child stops being able to go to school, people can see that as a reflection of your parenting.

It’s incredibly stressful. It affects your ability to work, your finances, relationships, and even your long-term security. We know it impacts siblings too, though that’s less studied.

Around 80% of our parent-carer community reported a moderate to severe impact on their mental health. Over half said they were stressed about maintaining employment, and many felt so overwhelmed that they couldn’t access personal supports. It’s a deeply isolating experience.

Madeleine: That really brings home the challenges families face. It’s such an emotional and practical strain. Can you describe what the journey looks like for families — from the early signs to seeking help?

Tiffany: It often takes a while for parents to realise what’s happening. Early signs can look like tummy aches, headaches, or challenging behaviour — things we might not immediately connect with school distress.

At first, we try to push through because we’ve been told attendance is essential. We try rewards, consequences, all the “right” things — and when they don’t work, we start to feel like failures.

Eventually, parents realise this is a real phenomenon and start looking for help. Sadly, the response is often dismissive — “just get them to school,” “they’ll be fine once they’re there.” Parents end up feeling more isolated until they find communities like School Can’t Australia that say, you’re not alone — this is real, and we can help.

Parent Advocacy in School Settings

Madeleine: That’s really powerful, Tiffany. What advice would you give to parents trying to advocate for their child’s needs in school settings?

Tiffany: The first thing to understand is that what your child is experiencing is a stress response, not defiance or manipulation. You know your child best. Advocacy is about helping the school understand what’s causing that stress and working together to address it — not forcing attendance while the child is in distress.

And remember, you’re not alone. Reach out to other parents, or to professionals who understand this phenomenon. There’s strength in community.

Madeleine: Absolutely. The idea of building a team around the child — with the parent as a key member — is so important. Are there any resources you recommend for parents starting this journey?

Tiffany: Unfortunately, there aren’t many resources specifically for parents yet. School Can’t Australia is developing a Parent Handbook, which should be available soon. In the meantime, peer support is incredibly valuable — the lived experience knowledge parents share is often the most practical help.

Look for professionals who understand both neurodiversity and school attendance difficulties — that combination is key.

Self-Care and Support Networks

Madeleine: Let’s talk about self-care. This journey can be so draining. What advice would you give parents about looking after themselves?

Tiffany: Self-care is crucial. This is a marathon, not a sprint. These challenges can last for years.

Connecting with other parents who understand is one of the best forms of self-care — it helps you feel less judged and gives you practical strategies. Be kind to yourself; you’re doing your best with the information you have.

And remember, your wellbeing matters too. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself — it’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Madeleine: Such important advice. Parents often put themselves last. What are your thoughts on the future of education, especially after the pandemic?

Tiffany: The pandemic really exposed the limits of one-size-fits-all education. I hope we’ll see more flexibility, more personalisation, and a stronger focus on wellbeing.

We need to move away from standardised testing and towards learning environments that support diverse needs. And we must listen to the voices of students — especially those who are struggling — because they know what works and what doesn’t.

Madeleine: I couldn’t agree more. Systems are still catching up when it comes to neurodiversity.

Tiffany: Exactly — and that’s why peer support is so important. While we wait for systems to evolve, we can support each other. That’s what School Can’t Australia is all about — parents supporting parents, sharing knowledge, and advocating for change together.

Closing Message

Madeleine: Tiffany, thank you so much for sharing your insights and experience today. I know this conversation will resonate with many parents.

Tiffany: Thank you, Madeleine. I just want parents to know — you’re not alone. Reach out for support, connect with other parents, and be kind to yourself. Trust your instincts. You know your child best.

Madeleine: That’s the perfect note to end on. To our listeners, thank you for joining us for this important conversation. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other.

Gratitude to Tiffany Westphal and School Can’t Australia for thier support of EPIC and of parents in our community.

Do you have suggestions, comments, questions relating to today’s conversation or have ideas for future episodes?
We would love to hear from you. Send EPIC an email here.

This podcast was made possible by the support of the City of Ryde Council